Dumb Assassinations
by alexa005
Summary: What will you do if your archenemy was summoned and made you pissed off? Of course, you're going to write a list of assassination attemps, but what's on the assassination ways list? Hilarity ensures. Rated T for cursing and...Hector (Former title: The dumb ways to assassinate Zephiel (or not), because this will be focus now on the other villains.)
1. The summoning (and assassination) plan

**Hello, everyone! While waiting for the results of the CA, I decided to create this fanfic which is inspired by the Zephiel Grand Hero Battle. Sadly, Heroes isn't available in my country yet so I write what I know.**

 **Disclaimer: Fire Emblem belongs to Nintendo. I only write this fic for pure fun.**

 **Second: English is my 2nd language so expect some grammatical errors that you will encounter throughout the story.**

* * *

When the summoner Kiran announced that this is the time for the Askr Kingdom to summon Zephiel, Roy began to feel unease. Sure, he defeated the King of Bern back home but summoning it and became an ally? That's a major no-no.

So, while the summoner, Alfonse, Shariena and Anna discussing about that, Roy hatched a plan to-

"Whatever you are scheming about Roy, my answer is no." Eliwood scolded him immediately.

"But father!" Roy whinned at his young dad. Eliwood only sighed.

"Just no." Eliwood said. "And I don't like the results if that plan of yours backfires."

So, our dear Young Lion walked away, face puffed in annoyance. To make things worse, The jury placed a decision that they will fight Zephiel tommorow.

* * *

Later that night, Roy was scribbled some ways to assassinate his former enemy (because he was dead in his timeline) without being noticed. There are LOT of assassins from different continents that Kiran has summoned so Roy needs some help from them.

"Roy?" Marth asked as he entered the room. He approached the redhead and looked at the list. "What are you doing?"

"Conspiracing." Roy answered. "Zephiel will be summoned tomorrow. And I don't want to be allied with a person whose babbling about humanity as a nonsense beings."

"At least, you didn't allied with an ambitious dracoknight." Marth said as he remembered Michalis. "Well, since we are in the same boat, I'll help you."

"Really?"

"Yup. I don't like Michalis and Minerva wants to assassinate him, so we are helping each other assassinate our thorns in our throats."

"And the plan is?"

"Let us seek the help of others, then we can execute our assassination plan on your thorn and blame it all at my thorn. And we will use that list of silly assassination of yours to our plan. So, deal?"

Roy looked at the list one more time. And he smiled. "Let's do it, Marth!"

* * *

When Zephiel was defeated in battle and summoned the next day, Roy was hiding in the back between Ryoma and Frederick (there are lots of heroes gathered at the the summoning stone) and he snickered.

Operation: Assassinate Zephiel, start!

* * *

 **This is supposed to be a one shot but I decided to make it as a chapter instead. You can suggest your funny assassination plan here.**

 **Criticism is welcome!**


	2. Leo's tomato beastmode range

**Wow! 7 follows & 4 reviews from the day that I published this fic! As a gratitude, I will give you the first assassination attempt.**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Assassination Way 1: Why do we have a little tomato garden inside the building?**

"So, what is this meeting for?" Ike asked, annoyed at the person in front of him. Marth had gathered all of their Smash buddies (except for Chrom and Lyn) for their weekly meeting.

"Okay." Marth said to everyone. "Guys, Roy here has something to say."

Roy cleared his throat and began to speak. "Guys, as you can see, we all knew that my archenemy, Zephiel has been summoned yesterday."

"And?" Ike asked.

"Roy here wants to assassinate him or rather, humilate him in front of the other heroes." Marth answered.

"I want your cooperation guys!" Roy pleaded. "I know that you heard about him from the history books, right?"

"Just say please first."- Ike.

"Please?" Roy pleaded with his famous puppy dog eyes that even the Jeigan archetypes can't resists (except Marcus, since he's already getting used to it.)

"Yes, we heard about him." Lucina said. "And by the looks of it, he seems to be a bad person. I'll join with you."

"For once, I agree with Lucina." Male Robin agreed.

"Seconded!" Female Robin raised her hand in approvement.

"Count me in!" Male Corrin pointed himself with his thumb.

"Ohhh... pranks. This is so much fun!" Female Corrin clapped her hands in delight.

"Ike?" Roy looked at the mercenary. Everyone is looking at him.

"Okay. I'm in." Ike gave in. "But when do we start the plan?" He added.

Roy looked at Male Corrin (let's call him Kamui for everybody's sake). "Kamui?"

"Yes?" Kamui was confused.

"Can you seduce Niles for me?"

* * *

"So, Leo has a little garden at the inner garden?" Kamui asked Niles. When Kamui reacts to the seduction part, Roy told him to get some information about the little tomato garden that the Nohrian prince Leo had planted inside the building recently. Luckily, Kamui ran into Niles in the corridor.

"Yup." Niles said to him. "Lord Leo took care of it everyday and sometimes, he harvested some tomatoes for him to eat."

Kamui put his hands on his chin, thinking. "Lord Kamui?" Niles asked.

"I think I have an idea."

* * *

"Brilliant!" Roy said after Kamui told his suggested plan to humiliate Zephiel.

"So, your plan is that you will stole all of Leo's tomatoes and placed it on Zephiel's bedroom?" Ike repeated the plan.

"Yup!" Kamui said.

"Leo is known to be a fan of tomatoes." Corrin said. "If he founds out that Zephiel stole the tomatoes, he'll blast him with Brynhildr."

"And that, he is good as dead!"

"So, when do you start it, Roy?" Ike asked to the redhead.

"I suggest we will doing it tonight, but we need the help of a thief. Or a ninja, in fact." He said.

"How about Saizo and Kagero?" A voice answered Roy's concern. Everyone looked at the source of the voice and saw Ryoma leaning in the doorway, arms crossed.

"Big brother!" Corrin and Kamui exclaimed. "How-"

"I overheard your conversation earlier in the morning." Ryoma explained. "And I like the plan that you made. So, can I join?"

"Sure!" Roy said. The Corrins rush to their brother and hugged him.

"I don't like King Zephiel a lot." Ryoma said. "And I heard that he almost destroy your world, despite that I respect him for a King."

"Okay!" Roy said. "Let's steal those tomatoes!"

* * *

That night, Saizo and Kagero (by Ryoma's orders) went to the inner garden, stole all the tomatoes, sneak in into Zephiel's room and placed it beside him. They did all of this without making any noise.

* * *

The next day, everyone is having thier breakfast under the long table that the Askr Kingdom has to offer. During the eating, Alfonse stands up.

"I have an announcement to make." Alfonse announced. "We heard that Princess Veronica has summoned some heroes from the newly discovered world."

"And we found out that she summoned Alm and his companions from the World of Shadows." Sharena continued. "So, after breakfast-" she was suddenly interrupted by an unmanly shriek followed by a crying anguished of "MY PRECIOUS TOMATOES!"

"Is that Leo?" Camilla asked.

"Someone stole his favorite fruit~" Ursula teased.

"SHUT UP, YOU OLD HAG!" Leo shouted. Wow, he has strong sense of hearing

"I'm going to kill him later." The Blue Crow mummured under her breath.

"I SWEAR TO THE DUSK DRAGON, WHOEVER STOLE MY TOMATOES WILL BE PERISHED BY MY BRYNHILDR!"

"Takumi, calm him down!" Est said to her seatmate.

"No way!" Takumi rejected. "What am I? His boyfriend?"

"And he'll check every room." Male Robin whispered to Lucina.

Lucina giggled. "And we'll sure he will found it at Zephiel's bedroom."

Hours of hearing of throwing, trashing, smashing things later, Leo showed up huffing, Brynhilr in one hand and a sack of tomatoes in the other. His eyes glared at a certain King. "ZEPHIEL!"

The King of Bern was shocked. "What?" He asked calmly.

"YOU STOLE MY TOMATOES!"

"What? I didn't stole anything!" Zephiel defend himself.

"THE WHY I FOUND THIS IN YOUR BEDROOM?!"

"I didn't noticed it earlier! And besides, its only a fruit! You can buy it at the market! Sheesh, interrupting everything by a single fruit."

Everyone looked at Zephiel.

"He's dead."- Camilla.

"Literally dead."- Hinoka.

"Yup. D-E-A-D."- Ryoma. Inside, he was snickering.

Leo dropped the sack, cast Brynhildr on his free hand, aiming at Zephiel. "HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY TOMATOES?! DIE!"

"SOMEBODY STOP LEO"

"TAKUMI, CONTROL YOUR BOYFRIEND!"

"I'M **NOT** HIS BOYFRIEND, PEOPLE!"

* * *

 **-Later-**

"He'll live." Ryoma announced to the Smash buddies. "Maria fully heal him."

"Elimine damn it!" Roy cursed, then grabbed an Al plushie, hugged it and comically cried. "Al! Where are you when I need you?!"

Everyone sighed. The power of Brynhidlr critically hit Zephiel all right, but when Leo cast a second round, Takumi has no choice but to stop him. How? Imagine it yourself!

"Crap." Marth said.

* * *

Steal Leo's tomatoes and frame Zephiel for it: **FAILED.**

* * *

 **You can still suggest your silly assassination plans here!**

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	3. Say something nasty to them & youre dead

**Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Assassination way 2: Says the liberator who has a little sister back home!**

"And so, the tomato incident failed." Roy said as he put a 'x' on the list. "Seriously, Pineapple Prince really stop Tomato Prince from rampaging by kissing him."

"Let's hope that Takumi won't hear that nickname and that incident." Ryoma said while chuckling. "Anyways," he looks at the list. "what's on the list?"

"Many. But I don't know where to start!"

Ryoma looked at a certain way on Roy's list. "Is badmouthing siblings is one of them?"

"Yup."

Ryoma grinned. "This is perfect."

* * *

"Okay, so who's gonna go to Zephiel's room and steal some stamp and a written letter?" Ryoma asked to Saizo and Kagero. Saizo raised his hand.

"Are you sure, Saizo?"

"Yes, milord. But, this is supposed to be Lord Roy's problem, right? We are out of this, you know."

"I know but I don't like the attitude of his archnemesis."

"Who are you talking about?" A voice suddenly interrupted them and the three Hoshidans saw Xander approaching them. He was recently recruited in the Order.

"King Zephiel." Ryoma said to his Nohrian counterpart. "I only helping Roy humiliate him."

Xander raised an eyebrow in doubt. "Honest, Xander!" Ryoma added.

Xander sighed. "First, I don't like the guy." He said. "Second, he reminds me of Father! Like, conquering lands and the like."

"Who? King Zephiel?"

"The very one. I heard that he was almost assassinated once by his father."

"Poisoning was NOT one of Roy's list." Ryoma deadpans. "Just stealing his written letter and forge his handwriting."

"Wait a minute?" Xander exclaimed of what he heard. "Forged handwriting? Just leave it to me!" He volunteered himself.

"Are you sure?"

"Yup! Can't survive the war without that skill."

"And where did you get that skill, Xander?" Ryoma asked, raised an eyebrow in doubt.

"From *ahem* err... Matthew?"

"I'm gonna kill that Ostian thief." Saizo muttered. Ryoma and Xander sweatdropped. Matthew said the FORBIDDEN word in front of Saizo last time and the latter almost murdered the former.

"Just go, Saizo." Ryoma shooed him.

* * *

"Here's the stamp and the written letter." Saizo said as he hand over said items to Ryoma. "He was not in his room. I checked and he was talking to Narcien outside."

"He didn't suspecting you?" Ryoma asked.

"No, milord."

"Okay, why are we in Xander's bedroom?" Roy asked. They are in Xander's bedroom along with the Smash buddies and Ryoma. "And Lord Xander, why are you still here?"

"First, this is my bedroom and second, I want to help you. Hate the guy very much."

Ryoma took the letter and the stamp from Saizo's hands and placed it on the desk. Xander examined the written letter. "So easy! So." He took a paper, some pen and began to write. "What will I say?"

Everyone is silent. Male Robin cleared his throat minutes later.

"Aside from Xander, Ike and Ryoma, who are the others that has little siblings? Sisters, in fact?" Male Robin asked Roy.

"There's Klein." Roy elaborated. "And Eldigan. Oh, Reinhardt too."

"Don't forget Seliph, Ephriam and Raven." Marth added. "Let's add Michalis for fun!"

"What about Karel?" Ike suggested.

Ryoma shivered at the name. "That counts. He has a lil sis?"

"Yup. That's Fir's mom." Roy said.

"How the hell Bartre survived?" Ryoma exclaimed. "I feel sorry for him."

"Add Father, if you will." Lucina suggested. "I will keep my mouth shut into this."

"Don't include Chrom!" Female Robin objected. "Please."

Roy list all the names given. Of course, Ryoma, Xander, Ike and Chrom's names are OUT of the list. "Anyone?"

"I think it's none."

"Sounds good." Roy said, then turned to Xander and whispered in his ears. "So, this is what you write..."

* * *

That night, Roy and Ike goes ninja mode and sneak to every room where all the overprotective bros slept. They put the letter besides their beds and slip away unnoticed.

* * *

Next day. Askr Kingdom. Peaceful kingdom with a hardworking summoner who desires to end this war with the Emblia Kingdom very quick.

And said summoner is slumped on his desks.

"Are you okay, Kiran?" Alfonse asked, concern is writen on his face.

"Yup. I'm fine." Kiran answered. "Saving both Alm and Celica's groups from Veronica's grasps is a hard one, but Bruno's threat is a real deal!"

"He wants to kill us all, after all." Sharena said. "We need to prepare for another onslaught from the empire as soon as possible."

"I heard that the White Wolf, Lloyd is here." Alfonse said. "So, let's recruit him before-"

" **ZEPHIEL, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!** " Eldigan's angry voice boomed the entire halls. " **TAKE BACK THOSE WORDS! LACHESIS IS NOT A [BLEEP!]** "

" **AND JULIA IS NOT A DEMONIC [BLEEP!]** " Seliph's angry voice joined in. " **IT WAS JULIUS, NOT HER!** "

" **AND ME AND EIRIKA ARE HAVING [BLEEP!]?!** " Ephriam's voice seemed very angry at this. " **SAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO HAS A LITTLE SISTER BACK HOME!** "

"What's going on?" Sharena asked.

"Let's go and see."

* * *

 **-Outside-**

The overprotective big bros are cornered Zephiel. The King was annoyed because he was awake by them.

"Foolish people." He said. "First, I didn't write those letters and second, stay Guinevere out of this!"

" **IT WASN'T YOU, HUH?!** " Reinhardt yelled. " **THEN THIS IS NOT YOUR HANDWRITTING, CORRECT?!** " He shows the letter and shoved it into the King's face.

Zephiel took the letter and was shocked. That was his handwritting and has the Bern stamp in it! "This is my handwritting! How in the world-"

"So, that was you!" Ephriam said then brandished Seigmund. "Attack!"

"What the-" Zephiel was stunned then began to run while screaming like a little girl. Not so fit for a king.

The rest are chasing him, weapons drawn.

At the corner are the Smash buddies, Ryoma, his retainers and Xander. Roy laughed his ass out as he saw his archnemesis being chased by sensitive big bros while the others cringed at the result.

"Uh, Roy? Where did you GET that idea?" Xander asked the redhead, still cringing.

"From one of the former Smash contenders. He said that those are effective against sensitive people. Oh, and from the internet also." Roy replied as he recovered from his laughter.

"Roy?" Ike said.

"Yes, Ike?"

"Don't. Hang. Out. With. S. S. Ever. Again." Ike scolded him.

Houts later, the riot was subdued by Kiran and the little sis of the sensitive bros. Zephiel was beaten up badly and was sent to the healer's tent. Of course, Saizo reported this to Ryoma that Zephiel is still alive and said this to Roy.

And again, Roy hugged his Al plushie and comically cried. Another failure again.

* * *

Wrote a letter about badmouthing the little sisters and have Zephiel's signature on it: **FAILED.**

* * *

 **And, I faint.**

 **You can still suggest your silly assassination plans here!**

 **And additional omake for the next chapter!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

After the riot 2 days later, it is the time for Kiran to summon Lloyd, one of the Four Fangs of the feared Black Fangs from the World of Blazing. Eliwood, who was beside Hector, began to feel unease with the current precadment.

"Are you okay, Eliwood?" Hector asked.

"I'm okay, Hector." Eliwood answered. "But I'm not so sure if Lloyd would be trusted or not."

"C'mon, we've got Ursula and Jaffar!" Hector patted Eliwood in the shoulder. "We must be thankful it wasn't Nergal."

"If that happens, I'm ended up like my son planning some assassination plans for Nergal." Eliwood sighed. "I know that he is the one responsible for Zephiel's current condition."

"How do you know?" Hector was confused.

The Knight of Lycia smiled. "Father instincts."

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	4. ZephielMichalis smut fic? That's insane!

**Thanks for reading! Enjoy the next chapter!**

 **This chapter contains lewd ideas from our resident redhead lord, aside from his dad. You've been warned.**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Assassination way 3: Roy, what are you? Niles' daughter Nina?**

Roy frowned as he put another 'x' on the list, while Marth is so busy searching at the internet through the laptop that he 'borrowed' from Kiran (A/N: In this fic, due to the smash tourney, our dear Fire Emblem smashers knows how to use moden techy. This is a parody, so bear with it.) and screamed in shock.

"Marth!" Roy exclaimed as he approached his friend. "What's wrong?"

Marth pointed at the screen. "This!"

Roy looked at the screen. His eyes went wide in shock. "Elimine, is that?"

"Yes, it is."

The screen shows our favorite liberator, who is lying in some sort of a cushion. (But due to the fact that this fic is rated T, I don't want to tell you what he looks like because I don't want to corrupt the youngsters' minds. If you are at a legal age of 18 and above, see for yourself.) Roy himself has his jaw agape. "If Nina is here, she would be drooling out in excitement!" Marth added.

Roy closed his jaw like a gaping fish and looked at the picture again. Suddenly, an idea popped up in his mind.

"I know what to do." And he laughed like Korosensei. (A/N: Assassination Classroom rubbed on me and I was laughing at its antics. Plus, Korosensei's Japanese Voice Actor is the same voice actor as Roy.)

Marth sweatdropped. "Roy, I don't like that idea of yours, whatever it is."

* * *

"So, who knows here how to write a yaoi story?"

No one from the Smash buddies with Ryoma and Xander and their retainers (let's call it SBWRAXATR) answered. Ryoma raised his hand. "Yes, Ryoma?"

"The only person who is capable of writing that story is Niles' daughter Nina."

"But since she hasn't summoned yet, no one from The Order of Heroes has the ability to write that story." Xander concluded. "Let me guess, you using that on Zephiel, do you?"

Roy laughs like the anime character mentioned above. "I will use that on him since he and Narcien are the only Bernites who has summoned here. Plus, I have Marth researched on the stories on the internet and there are some stories between the two."

Everyone went silent. "So, if you will write a story about Zephiel having [ **BLEEP!** ] with a male, who will it be?" Robina asked. (Let's call the Fem!Robin 'Robina'. My fingers are aching, since I'm only typing at my phone.) "I mean, only few of the heroes summoned here are villains, and majority of us here are heroes."

"I know who." Marth muttered.

"Who?"- everyone.

"Michalis."

Silence ensures, but seconds later, chaos erupted.

"Michalis? As in KING Michalis of Macedon?!"- Ryoma.

"Marth, are you crazy?!"- Ike.

"Michalis is the other villain aside from Zephiel and Narcien that summoned here, so-" -Marth.

"What about Lord Camus?" - Lucina.

"Princess Nyna and Tatiana will KILL me!"- Marth again.

"What about Lloyd?"- Saizo.

"That's the same too! That guy is fawning over Lord Eliwood!" - Peri.

Suddenly, Roy death glared at Peri. "You were saying, Peri?"

Peri gulped. "Sorry, Lord Roy."

"What about one of his generals?" Xander suggested, making everyone stop. "Aside from Narcien, actually."

"There's Murdock and Brenya." Roy said. "But Murdock is the King's most trusted one since he was at his side since childhood."

Xander put a hand to his chin and an idea popped up in his mind. "I've been reading stories about me and Ryoma, doing...things like that." He blushed. Ryoma only nodded in agreement. "And one of the stories there involved [ **BLEEP!** ] and [ **BLEEP!** ]. Sometimes milder, in fact."

Roy laughed again. He like Xander's idea. "Give me that story. I will not copy it but I will get some ideas there."

* * *

(Since the story that Roy wrote to blackmail then assassinate Zephiel is NOT suitable for the youngsters, I will skip that and I let you readers imagine it, if you are at the legal age.)

* * *

The next day, everyone was gathered at the arena. The voting gauntlet was started and the male mages are compete against the females. Everyone cheered for their respective teams. Until.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK?!" Michalis shouted. Everyone went silent when they hear his scream.

"What's wrong with him?" Minerva asked.

"Don't know sis." Maria answered.

"Let's look, guys." Cain suggested. Everyone went to Michalis.

* * *

 **-Michalis' room-**

"Look, Michalis. I don't know what the hell is going on but please calm down!" Zephiel reassured Michalis, but said Dracolord cowered at the wall, staying away from Zephiel.

"Don't come closer!" Michalis ordered, pointing his lance at Zephiel. "I'm warning you!"

Everyone arrived at the scene. "Hey! What's wrong?" Elise asked cheerfully.

Michalis showed a paper. "This!" Elise grab the paper from him and read its contents.

Xander, upon finding the paper, tried to snatch it from his sister's hands. "Elise, don't-"

"Big brother, what is [ **BLEEP!** ] and [ **BLEEP!]**?" Elise innocently asked.

Everyone went silent. "Uh, where did you get those words?" Eliwood asked the Nohrian Princess.

"From this paper."

"Let me see that." Zephiel snatch the paper from Elise's hands and read it. His face got paler and paler as he continue to read it. After he read it, his face became red with embarassment. "I'M STRAIGHT, PEOPLE!" He declared.

Niles peeked at the paper. "Oh ho! Seems you are very naughty in this story, King Zephiel." Them he snatched the paper from him.

"I'm NOT!" He stammered, making his face redder. "I-I- I DON'T WANT TO READ THAT EVER AGAIN!" Then he ran away, hiding himself from the embarassment.

The others peeked at the paper on Niles' hands but the sane ones let the youngsters stay away from the paper. "Don't read it." Eldigan warned.

Eliwood peeked at the paper and saw the handwriting. "This looks familiar. Don't tell me?" Then, he knows who to blame.

* * *

At the corner outside Michalis' room, Marth, Roy and Ike laughed their asses off. "That was so funny, Roy!" Ike said between laughs. "I didn't know that you have talent for that."

"Years of reading Marth/Roy fanfics gives me a lot of ideas." Roy said. "That will give Zephiel some nightmares."

"I think not." A voice behind them said and the three stopped laughing and turned around to see a very angry Eliwood, arms crossed. "Roy, where did you get that idea?" He asked as he raised his eyebrow.

"Errr..hey, dad! Errr..." Roy gulped at his father's anger then began to run away. "Toodles!"

"ROY, COME BACK HERE!" Eliwood shouted at the top of his lungs, chasing after his fleeing son.

"I've got a bad feeling that Roy gets grounded for this." Marth sweatdropped.

"Seconded." Ike agreed.

True to Marth's words, Roy was grounded literally and the paper was found later by Kiran, the Royal siblings and Anna. Turns out that Kiran and Sharena are fans of yaoi as they was seen by Alfonse and Anna, lying at floor having a nosebleed.

Alfonse picked up the paper from the floor. "If I read a story about me and Prince Bruno doing these things, I think I will rather die." Alfonse commented.

"And if we sent that story to the Emblia Empire, that will make Prince Bruno very angry at us." Anna said.

"Seconded."

What about Zephiel, guys? He cooped himself in his room and never showed himself for the rest of the day.

* * *

Write a smut fic about Zephiel and have Michalis kill him: **FAILED BUT IT GIVES ZEPHIEL NIGHTMARES.**

* * *

 **I was cringed at the same time laughed while writing this chapter. My mama thinks that I was lost in myself (laughs). And the pic about Zephiel is true, guys! Just encountering it while I was searching for a good manga to read. It was a doujin manga, I guess.**

 **Another bonus chapter!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

"Your majesty?" Narcien asked as he saw hie liege sitting with his arms hugging his legs. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not, Narcien." Zephiel groaned. "This is the most humilating day in my life today."

"What do you mean, sire?"

"Since I was summoned here, I recieved nothing but a beaten up body and humilating me. I've got a feeling that someone is behind this."

"Ohhh...do you know who, sire?"

Zephiel grinned. "Oh, I know who."

At his room, Roy shivered.

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	5. Celica has an Alm radar? Reaaalyyyyy!

**Thanks for reading! Enjoy the next chapter!**

 **Oh, by the way: I will be using the old translation for FE6 so I apologized in advance.**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Assassination way 4: Excassus is NOT effective against a very ANGRY Princess of Zofia!**

"My head hurts." Alm rubbed his head in annoynace. He has bumped his head into a random wall while training one morning. "I thought I was going to die."

"At lease it didn't hit in the nape." Clair reprimand him.

"Just be careful next time, Alm." Lukas said as he carried a basin of water. "We don't want an angry Princess Anthiese killing someone here."

"If SHE founds out." Clair said, quoting the 'she' part. "Last time that happened, she almost burned that Laslow guy alive."

"If it weren't for Linde and Merric, Laslow is now mercenary barbeque." Lukas sighed. "She almost assassinate everyone who tries to hurt you, Alm."

"Speaking of assassinations." Alm said, pressing his ear against a door. "I overhear some convesation on the other side."

"What?" Lukas exclaimed.

"Let's hear it!" Clair decided in excitement as she pressed her ear at the door. Lukas only sighed and leaned his ear at the door also.

* * *

"So, Roy's grounded." Ryoma deadpans. "The reason?"

"Writing a smut fic about Zephiel and Michalis." Marth said then sighed in dissapointment. "Seems like Lord Eliwood doesn't like his idea."

"After all, who can identify Roy's handwritting?" Kamui said. "It was so easy to identify at first glance."

"But the assassination continues." Xander declared then shows the assassination list that Roy wrote to everyone. Everyone was shock and gathered around Xander.

"Where did you get that list?" Robina asked.

"From Roy. I visited him the other day. Jaffar was guarding outside his room." Xander grinned.

Everyone sweatdropped. "How in the world Lord Eliwood get Jaffar of all people to be Roy's bodyguard?" Robina asked.

"Persuation." Xander shrugs. "I think it need a human sacrifice for that."

"At least, Kiran permitted Lord Eliwood to get Roy grounded." Ike sweatdropped, then he looked at the list. "Three of them are marked 'x' here."

"That's the failed assassination attempts." Xander explained then looked at the list. "Hmmm. 'Let Princess Anthiese (aka Celica) kill Zephiel'? Sounds...?"

"Idiocity?" Ryoma said.

"Lunacy." Xander finished. "We need Alm in this. It only works if he cooperates."

"And I'm IN!" The door slams and everyone turned to reveal Alm in his super pose. Clair sighed while Lukas facepalmed.

"Alm! How did you?" Marth exclaimed.

"I overhear your conversation about 'kill' and 'Zephiel' in one sentence." Alm explained. "And since I don't like the guy, I'm in!" He points at himself using his thumb.

"Alm, please no." Lukas groaned.

"Ohhh... I like that! Count me in!" Clair said cheerfully.

"Well, you're in!" Marth said, making Alm and Clair shout in joy. "What about you, Lukas?" He added.

Everyone looked at the soldier. Lukas sighed. "Ok, I'm in. I only keep my mouth shut into this."

Clair clapped her hands in delight. "Perfect! And I know what to do to this!" She points at the list.

"Like?" Lucina asked.

"Alm?"- Clair.

"Yes?"- Alm.

"Can you be our sacrificial goat for my awesome plan?"

* * *

"Hey, Zephiel!"

"What did you want?" Zephiel stopped what he is doing and looked at Alm. "Oh, it's you." He deadpans.

"How do you feel being in one bed doing [ **BLEEP!** ] with Michalis?" Alm asked cheerfully. 'Gramps is going to KILL me if he founds out!' He thought to himself.

Zephiel went silent for a while but seconds later, his face became red in both embarassment and anger. "How could you-" he brandished the Excassus. "You're dead!"

'Shit! He's angry!' Alm thought while running for his life. 'Clair, I swear to Mila that if this plan of yours backfires, I will put you to kitchen duty back home!' He added.

Unfortunately for Alm, Zephiel unleashed his Ultimate Technique and hit at Alm. 'Plan A success! Now for Celica to rescue me!' He whined at his thoughts then screamed like a little girl.

* * *

Somewhere outside Askr Castle, Celica shivered in anger. "Are you okay, Celica?" Genny asked the princess.

Celica nodded. "I'm okay, Genny. I've got a feeling that SOMEONE is hurting Alm."

* * *

"Plan A success!" Clair whispered as she, Lukas and Marth are hiding in the pillars.

"I hope that plan of yours succeed." Lukas said.

"But how will Celica knows that Alm is hurt?" Marth asked the two.

"You see, Princess Anthiese has an 'Alm radar' and said radar will keep Alm in check." Lukas explained. "Do you remember what happened last week?"

"You mean what happened to Laslow?"

"Yes. The very one."

"I don't want to remember that." Marth shivered in fear.

"Now, time for plan B!" Clair cheered. Marth and Lukas only sighed.

* * *

"CELICAAAAAAAA!" May whined as she saw Celica going back. "Where are you going?"

"To make someone pay." Celica smiled while clentching her fist in anger, flames surrounding it. "I'm going to make sure that Alm is safe."

* * *

"Celica will come here. She will come here." Alm chanted. He was in the healer's tent after recieving several gashes, bruises, and scars from Zephiel's 'King's Whirlwind' technique. The SBWRAXATRWA&Co. surrounds him.

"Well?" Ryoma asked.

"Plan A is a success." Marth said. "Now we wait is Celica."

Suddenly, the door slams open and Celica storms the room. She rushed into Alm with tears on her eyes. "Alm, are you okay?" She worriedly asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Alm smiled. "So, there is no need to worry about, Celica."

Celica wiped her tears and asked everyone. "Who did this to him?"

"King Zephiel." Everyone replied in unison.

Celica stomped her feet and fumed in anger. Everyone became tense. "I'm SO gonna kill that man!" Then she walked out and slammed the door closed.

When Celica's footsteps is no longer heard, everyone sighed in relief.

"Is she going to burn him alive?" Robin asked everyone. Everyone nodded.

"Leave the burning alive part to Lord Arvis of Grandbell." Ryoma said.

"Luckily, Seliph isn't here or else you're dead, Ryoma." Xander reminded him.

"Yeah, right."

* * *

"ZEPHIEL!"

"What the?" Zephiel angrily said then looked at a very angry Celica. "If this is about your boyfriend, he is the one that started it!"

"But just because he says that doesn't mean you hurt him!" Celica shouted then unleashing fire in her hands. "Now, feel the taste of my Fire!"

Chaos ensures afterwards.

* * *

 **-Hours later-**

"He'll live." Saizo reported to everyone. "Mist healed him."

Silence filled the room.

"ELIMINE DAMN IT!" Everyone cursed. Zephiel was critically hit by Celica's fire but when Celica cast another round, she was stopped by Soren and Julia who was passing by. He was sent to the healer's tent afterwards.

"That's weird." Kamui said. "Do we have an Al plushie here?"

"No. Only Roy has it." Ike said.

"Well, damn!"

* * *

Let Princess Anthiese (aka Celica) kill Zephiel by using Alm as a bait: **FAILED.**

* * *

 **And...I faint. Again.**

 **I make Celica OOC in this fic, like, having a beserk range if Alm is hurt and all. XD**

 **ANYWAYS! School days are now approaching and I need to update ALL of my fanfics (save for the Camus Awards and Flower Festival Chaos) before school starts because I will be busy at that time.**

 **So, another extra!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

"Do I make myself clear?" Eliwood reminded to his pouting son. Roy has been grounded since yesterday and he can't get out of his room. The cause: the smut fic that he wrote and his bodyguard: Jaffar of all people.

Roy nodded in reply. "Good. Make sure that you will apologize to Zephiel after this." Eliwood added as he open the door to leave. "Well, if you excuse me." And he shut the door behind him.

Roy slumped himself on the bed. "Dad's no fun!" He said then grabbed his Al plushie. "Say, Al. Will you keep your dad's descendant at bay?"

Silence was the answer.

"Well, I'll be damned."

"I almost assassinate that man once." Jaffar's voice resonated through the other side of the door. "But Nino pity him."

"Blame King Desmond, Jaffar." Roy retaliates.

Roy swear he hear the Angel of Death scoffed.

* * *

 **You can still suggest your assassination plan here.**

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	6. Good news for Berkut, Bad news for Alm

**Sorry for the slow update! I thought this was forever! I was so foucused on feasibility study and updating 'LTANTBFISM' that I forgot to update the other fics.**

 **There will be two special chapters in this fic and will be posted the day after I post the first half.**

 **This chapter will be focused on Alm since his cousin (spoiler alert!) is the latest hero in the Grand Hero Battle. We will see what his reaction will be.**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Interlude 1: Alm, bad news is that your cousin dearest (not!) is joining forces with the liberator .**

As Alm put an 'x' on the assassination list, Roy suddenly came in, which to everyone's surprise.

"Roy!" Marth greeted him. "Since when your father release you?"

"Yesterday." Roy replied. "I forced myself to apologize to Zephiel." Then, he saw Alm and co. "And what in the world is Alm-"

"Doing here?" Alm finshed Roy's sentence. "I'm here with the same reason as you: Assassinate Zephiel."

"We did some in the assassination list, but failed." Ike explained.

Roy sighed. This is not his day, either. "Well today, when I was passing here, I heard Kiran talking about a new grand battle that will take place today."

"And who is the hero that Kiran and co. will fight against?" Lucina asked.

Roy looked at Alm with a blank look. "What?" Alm asked Roy.

"Do you know a Berkut?" Roy asked him. "He's from your world."

"Berkut?" Alm pondered on his mind then he realized what Roy mean. "No. NononononononononononononoNONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alm exclaimed while waving his hands in the air, while continuing his 'no' outside (he went out. Lukas and Clair followed him.)

"Villain?" Marth asked.

Roy only shrugged. "Talk to him, if you want to."

* * *

"CELICAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Alm whined at his best friend/girlfriend. "Is the rumor true?!"

"Unfortunately, Alm." Celica said then she sighed. "It is true. Berkut will be summoned tomorrow and it is final."

" **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!** " Alm cried, so cried that the entire inhabitants of the castle flinched and shock at what they hear.

"SHUT UP, WILL YA?!" Hector's voice has been heard throughout the castle. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!"

"HECTOR!" Eliwood and Lyn scolded him.

"WILL YOU PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Michalis joined him, only seconds later they hear the clobbing of an axe.

"Sorry." Alm squeked, then he muffled his cries at Celica's shoulders.

Celica patted his head. "There, there Alm. I will sure that there will be no conflict between you and him."

"We hope not." The Valentian team only shook their heads in dissapointment.

Alm continued crying.

* * *

 **-Annnndddddd the next day, after Berkut was summoned-**

Zephiel was strolling around the halls of Askr Castle when a guy with black hair approach him.

"Are you King Zephiel?"

Zephiel scanned the newcomer from head to toe. "I am him. And you are?"

"The name's Berkut, the nephew of the Rigelian King."

"Ah, so you're the newcomer. Are you here to troll me? Or someone?"

"Actually, I was going to troll on my cousin dearest, Alm but since I saw you here, I must ask some advise from you."

Zephiel put his hand on his chin. Interesting, this will be fun. "What is it?"

* * *

"Roy?"

"Yes, Alm?"

"Let's join forces."

"Why?"

"I want to assassinate Berkut."

"Okay! Let's go!"

* * *

 **Annnnddd, that's it!**

 **Next chapter will be the Renais twin's reaction about Valter, so it will be funnier than this one. I will have the reason now to write a funny fic between him and Narcien.**

 **And I will change the title to 'Dumb Assassinations' because it will now focuses on assassinating the villains!**

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	7. Dreams for Valter, Nightmare for Eirika

**Just I have promised, here's the second half of the special chapter.**

 **Spoilers for FE: Sacred Stones, if any of you didn't play it.**

 **Disclaimer: see prologue**

* * *

 **Interlude 2: Eirika dear, from now on you will be trolled by a certain Moonstone.**

"Special Edition!" Feh announced to the entire Order. Everyone is gathering around the resident owl to listen.

"What is it now, owl?" Hector asked, irritated. Lyn kicked him in the 'place-where-it-hurts-the- most', while muttering 'shut up' under her breath.

"I have a few announcements to make. First!" Then Feh get a pina colada and sipping it.

"Just say it already!" Takumi growled, irritated. Ryoma only smacked him in the head.

"There is a bound hero battle this upcoming week. And you guys will be opposing Ceclia and Lilina from the World of Binding."

Hearing the news make Roy screamed in fear. His girlfriend and his teacher? He is going to be a roasted plump if that happens.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Zephiel exclaimed. "I'm going to face that Mage General AGAIN?!"

"Actually, yes." Kiran said.

"Great." The king of Bern muttered.

"Second will be the Summer Edition 2.0 and this time, it will be the Nohrians who will enjoy under the sun!" Feh said cheerfully.

"Guess I have to see Xander with his Lilith flotie again." Ryoma teased.

"RYOMA!" Xander retorted, blushing.

"Unfortunately for you big brother, it seems like you, Elise, Corrin and I are going to partake that event." Leo said.

"Seriously?" Xander asked his younger brother.

"Uh huh." He replied.

"Oh, by the way." Feh added. "There will be a summer voting gauntlet between the Yliseans and the Nohrians so look at the bulletin board for more details!"

The Yliseans only groaned.

"Third, there will be updates for the Tempest Trials and for the Arena battle. Just look at the bulletin board for more info."

Everyone is excited for the updates.

"Fourth is for the summoners. Kiran will looked at the bulletin board later."

"Okay. I'll check on that." Kiran said.

"And lastly, there will be a new Grand Hero Battle in this upcoming week."

Everyone groaned at the news. They all knew that it was a villain. Again.

"Great. Let me guess, it is a villain?" Cain asked. The others are agreed on him.

"Yup. And this one came from the World of Stones."

Eirika and Ephriam was shock at this revelation.

"Tell us, it is Lyon?" Ephriam asked the owl. "We missed him so much."

"Yeah." Eirika agreed to her brother. "We want to spend some time with him."

"Is this Lyon guy a friend of yours?" Eliwood asked to the twins.

"Yeah. He was only possessed by the Demon King that turned him into a villain." Ephriam sadly answered. His sister agreed with him.

Feh shook her head. "Unfortunately, it isn't the Prince of Grado you guys will be facing."

The twins looked at each other with confusion. "Then who?" They asked.

"The Dark Moonstone: Valter." Feh deadpans.

Silence ensures, so silent that you can hear a pin drop at the floor clearly.

Then, Eirika reacted violently.

" **THAT ASSHOLE?!** " Eirika cursed. " **THAT GUY WAS ALMOST TROLLING AT ME LIKE NO TOMORROW! HE'S NOTHING LIKE THIS NARCIEN GUY!** "

"Hey!" Narcien exclaimed.

" **AND HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF TROPHY THAT HE NEEDS TO GET WITH!** " She added. " **AND HE'S A SADIST AND A LUNATIC TO BOOT!** "

"Eirika, calm down." Ephrianm reassured her but she didn't stop.

" **HE'S THE ONE WHO CRITICALLY INJURED SETH, HE'S THE ONE WHO KILLED GENERAL GLEN AND HE'S THE ONE WHO AMBUSED MY BROTHER INTO FORT RENVALL!** " Eirika shouted.

"And the one who turned Orson into a traitor." Ephriam muttered.

"By the looks of it, you hate the guy very much." Hinoka concluded.

Eirika only huffed and walked out.

"Will you excuse us." Ephriam said then followed his sister.

Feh sweatdropped at this. "Well, that's all for today. For more information, see the bulletin board!"

* * *

"So, judging by today's event, seems like that Valter guy is a villain." Ryoma said to his companions.

"Yeah, and seems like Eirika doesn't like the guy very much." Roy agreed.

"So, what's the plan?" Ike asked the redhead.

"Let's ask Eirika to join with us."

"Seriously?" Robin asked, surprised.

"Of course. The more the merrier! After all, we won't be focus on Zephy now that the number of villains has been increased."

"Zephy?" The Assassination Club looked at Roy with a blank look while hiding their laughter.

"Zephiel's nickname." Roy explained. "It was Queen Guinivere who gave him that when they are young."

Everyone laughed at what they hear.

At the training grounds outside, Zephiel shivered.

* * *

 **And that's that!**

 **I only see the info from the Serenes Forest, as well I watched the news feed on youtube.**

 **You can still suggests your dumb assassination way here!**

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	8. LICE LICE LICE!

**And back to our regular programming.**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Assassination way 5: Where did you get THOSE head lice from, Alm?**

On a random day at Askr Castle, we will see a certain green haired lord (no, not Ephraim or Eirika or Lyn. The other one) was buying to a merchant store who was only passing by.

"Helloooooo?" Alm greeted the store. "Is anyone here?"

The merchant; who was reading a book, turned his head at Alm. "Oh, hello to my humble shop! How may I help you?"

"Do you have a jar of a certain parasite? And a ninja costume also."

* * *

"Roy isn't here." Marth whinned, slamming his head on the table. "Why in the world Xander is dragging him?"

"Summer voting gauntlet." Ike answered. "Hell, even Ryoma was dragged too."

"Reflet and Corrin are also participating too." Lucina groaned while slamming her head on the table, like what her ancestor did earlier. "I wanna join in."

"Sorry, but we need to review these dumb assassinations list that Alm created." Lukas said, looking at the piece of paper. "All of these are related to both Zephiel and Berkut."

Suddenly, the door opens and Alm enters. "I'm back!"

"And where have you been?" Marth scolded him. "And close the door, will you?"

Alm closed the door immediately. "To the merchant store! I bought something there!"

"And what is that thing that you bought, Alm?" Lukas asked.

Alm slammed the jar full of head lice (eww!) on the table for everyone to see.

"Uhh... what are you going to do with... those?" Lucina asked while pointing at the jar.

"I will using it on my cousin dearest." Alm answered in his super pose. "Since he is always cares about his hair ("and Rinea." Lukas muttered), I decided to put it on him!"

"Bad news is that your cousin dearest isn't around." Ike deadpanned.

"What?! Where is he?" Alm exclaimed.

* * *

"Abracadabra, alakazooo, show me what those idiots are planning to do..." Zephiel chanted while mixing some sort of potions on the cauldron. He was wearing some sort of a wizard costume and has a pointy hat on his head.

"I thought you were a swordsman." Berkut retorted. "Why are you wearing a-"

"Sometimes, even swordsman needs some little education of magic." Zephiel interrupted him. "Since I know a little, I will use it to foil Roy's stupid assassination plans on me."

"How did you know that Roy wants to assassinate you?"

"Villainy instincts." Then Zephiel looked at the cauldron. "Ah, there we go."

Berkut only groaned as he leaned closer to the cauldron and looked at it. In the purple and gooey liquid shows about the scene that their companions (Roy included) fighting on the... beach? The two jaws agape.

"What?" Zephiel exclaimed. "How in the-"

"Seems that your magic failed, Zephy." Berkut muttered. Zephiel whacked his head with a broom when he heard the nickname.

"Idiot." Zephiel muttered.

At the beach voting gauntlet, Roy (who was on Team Xander) sneezed.

* * *

"And where in the world did you intent to plant that idea of yours?" Ike asked.

"Tonight."- Alm.

"The question is: will Berkut caught you red handed tonight?" - Marth.

"Nope. Berkut sleeps like a drunkard and he will not notice that I will sneak to his room."

"You better wear some protection on your head. Instead on Berkut, those head lice infects your head." - Lukas.

"Don't worry, Lukas. I have a protection."

* * *

 **-Evening! (Dun dun dun dun!)-**

Alm (in his black ninja costume that covers everything except his eyes) quietly opens the door to Berkut's room. As expected, his cousin was sleeping heavily (and snoring), hugging a Rinea plushie.

"Rinea..." Berkut muttered in his sleep. Alm saw his cousin's mouth drooling on one side.

'He must having a dirty dream about Rinea.' He thought. "Okay." Alm said in a low voice. "Time to put the plan into action." He opened the jar full of head lice, pour it on the pillow where Berkut's head is resting, watching the lice crawl on their soon to be host's head and when satisfied, he scurried away and close the door without making any noise.

* * *

 **-One hour later-**

Askr castle. Everyone is sleeping peacefully, having their own sweet dreams. Some are hugging their plushies, others are snoring and muffle their snores with pillows. But was peaceful indeed.

Until...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone woke up at Berkut's screams. They all went out to their rooms, holding their weapons.

"What was that?" - Bartre.

"I don't know." - Barst.

"Are we under attack?" - Frederick.

"Eek! I'm scared!" - Serra.

"Everyone, settle down!" Alfonse settle everyone down. "Its sounds like Berkut and he's in trouble! Follow me!"

Everyone was following the direction, weapons drawn and ready to fight whoever Emblia idiots sneaks at them in the middle of the night. And when they reach the Central Hall, they stop and saw Berkut... running in pajamas?

" **LICE LICE LICE LICE!** " Berkut shouted at the top of his lungs while running around in circles, scratching his head in irritation. He feels the head lice are seeping his blood on his head.

"What the fuck?" Sharena exclaimed at what she saw. The others are stunned at the scene.

Berkut continued shouting. " **LICE LICE LICE LICE LICE!** "

"Uh, Berkut?" Alfonse reassured him.

" **LICE LICE LICE LICE LICE!** "

"Berkut?"

" **LICE LICE LICE LICE LICE!** "

" **BERKUT!** " Alfonse shouted.

Berkut stopped running but still scratching his head. "Sorry. Those head lice are scattering on my hair scalp! I can't sleep because its so itchy!" Then he saw the weapons brandished by everyone, noticing that their eyes are red and judging by their looks, they are very, VERY angry. "Are we under attacked?" He innocently asked.

"No." Hector growled. "We thought that we were under attacked and you were hurt and this is the scene you cause us?!" He raised Armads in the air. "We are sleep deprive because of you!"

"Seconded!" Takumi agreed, Fujin Yumi drawn. Everyone agreed, respective weapons drawn. "Attack!"

Everyone charged at Berkut at a Sonic speed while said man is running for his life. Alfonse, Sharena and Anna only sighed at the commotion.

* * *

 **-Next day-**

"Second day of Voting Gauntlet!" Feh cheerfully announced, but everyone yawned and rubbing their eyebagged eyes to keep them awake. They look like zombies that recently raised from the dead. After all, they are sleep deprived.

"Give us some rest, Feh." Sheena said then she yawned. "All of us can't sleep last night because of the scene Berkut caused."

"Nope!" Feh objected. "It's 10:00 in the morning and lunch is ready soon so be prepare for the battle in ten minutes!"

Everyone groaned. In their mind they shouted 'DAMN YOU, BERKUT!'

While Alm walked away from the crowd and when he was alone, he was laughing his ass off.

What happened to Berkut, you asked? He was clobbed by sleep deprived people and was send to the healer's tent afterwards by sane people. Don't worry, he's still alive.

* * *

Put head lice on Berkut's head, running around screaming in the middle of the night and be clobbed to death by sleep deprived heroes: **FAILED BUT IT WENT BERKUT'S HAIR BALD (BUT NOT REALLY BALD)**

* * *

 **Lice didn't say lies. It rhymes!**

 **I covered my laughter so that my mama won't tell me that I'm crazy! Luckily, I finished studying for my midterms on Tuesday but I will resume for the quiz tommorow.**

 **You can still suggest your dumb assassinations here!**

 **And a bonus chapter!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

 **(Earlier before Alm's plan was carried out)**

Eirika leaned her ear against the door, listening to the conversation on the other side. While listening, an idea popped up in her mind. She grinned.

'Maybe I should asked them to let me join in their assassination attempts.' She thought. 'You will be sorry, Valter. You will never see the light of day when you arrived here.' And she chuckled.

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	9. Hallucinating the Moonstone (NOT!)

**Thanks for reading! Feasibility Study has been swallowed me for couple of weeks now! This will be a slow update so bear with me!**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Assassination Way 6: Next time, if you want to hypnotize and hallucinate someone perfectly, ask Tharja.**

Ike laughed like an idiot as he wore a Gauntlet crown on his head while Roy and Lucina are sulking in a corner, wearing a cone-shaped hat which written the word 'dunce' in big bold letters.

Marth smacked the mercenary in the head, causing the crown to fall on the floor. "Stop that, Ike! You make those two more depressed!" he said as he pointed at the two guys.

"Corrin, stop it! You made Xander and Reflet more depressed too!" Robin retorted to Corrin (who is also wearing the same crown as Ike), pointing to the two mentioned heroes who are also sulking in a corner wearing the same hat that Roy and Lucina are wearing. "You maybe won the summer voting gauntlet but Xander can't accept that he was defeated by you of all people, despite despite that he is happy for you!"

"Weeellll, seems like everyone are very moody because of the Voting Gauntlet." Clair said, looking at the depressed heroes. "Even we are also depressed because Berkut is still alive."

"Alive and well." Lukas agreed, looking at Alm who is sulking in another corner of the room far from the losers while muttering 'I'm an idiotic King of Rigel' repeatedly.

Ryoma sighed. "I guess that there will be no assassinations for this week."

" **WHAT?!** " A female voice echoed on the other side of the door, causing the others to avert their gaze on it. "I want to assassinate Valter, damn it!"

* * *

 **-Outside-**

"Eirika!" Ephraim scolded his twin sister. He, Eirika and Seth (who has no choice but to go what his lieges' shenanigans up to) was outside of Roy's door. "Why did you do that?"

"I want some coorperation from them!" Eirika answered, hands on her hips. "I know they're the ones who are responsible to the precadiment of Zephy, Michalis and Berkut."

Seth facepalmed. "Lady Eirika, I don't think assassinating the Moonstone is NOT a very good idea, especially now that the Black Knight is now approaching."

"And that make Ike depressed even more!" Ephraim agreed to his retainer. "Seriously Eirika, get over it."

"NO!"

"What is going on here?" Marth poked his head on the door and saw Eirika ready to smack her twin brother with a red tome she stole from Raigh.

* * *

"You want to what?" Everyone chorused as Eirika finished her explanation. "So that's why you want to assassinate Valter before." Ryoma commented.

"Well, he was stalking her ever since he was summoned." Seth explained. "Lady Eirika can't move freely because of that."

"It's horrible." Eirika groaned, clutching her hair with her two hands. She is getting flashbacks. "There are creepy letters in my bedroom; some roses from Latona-Knows-Where, some of my undergarments went missing-"

"Hold up!" Roy interrupted her, motioning the stop sign with his hands. "You said HE stole your you-know-what?" Eirika nodded.

"Now that is a ONE hell of a stalker." Roy concluded.

"A creepy one hell of a stalker." Xander said, quoting the creepy part. "We're so sorry about your situation."

"It's okay." And Eirika sighed. "That's why I want you guys to help me to assassinate him."

"But we're running out of ideas." Alm said. "Any suggestions?" He looked at everyone.

Lucina noticed something on the list that Roy wrote during his assassination attempt on Zephiel. "Lord Roy?"

"Yes?"

"Is hallucinating a person is one of your assassination list?"

* * *

"' _The guide to hallucinating people with hypnotism 101'_ " Roy read the title as they decided to rummage around Kiran's room. The summoner isn't around at that time, being very busy at summoning other heroes. "And why are we in Kiran's room, anyway?"

"Because our dear summoner has a lot of books from his world." Lucina said. "He sometimes read it in his spare time."

"A lot of ridiculous books." He muttered, holding the book he was carrying. "Do you think this book will work on Valter?"

Lucina looked at the book and read the title aloud. She grinned. "This is perfect!"

* * *

 **-One hour later-**

"So that's how it works." Roy said as they finished reading the book. "Let's combine it with a hallucination potion that I 'borrowed' from Tharja so that he will be sleeping with the wrong person."

"And who is that wrong person be, Lord Roy?" Lucina asked. Roy grinned.

"I know who."

* * *

 **-Later-**

Valter is walking through the long halls of the Askr Castle when he noticed that Lucina is already waiting for him, leaning herself against the pillar.

"Oh, it's the girl who travels from the future." He mocked at her. "What did you want?"

"Lady Eirika wants to invite you to her room at midnight." Lucina said. "But first." She handed him a potion. "I want you to drink this."

"What's this?" He asked.

"It's a love potion mixed with aphrodisiac." She explained. "She sends it for you to drink it for tonight."

Valter grinned as he snatched the bottle from Lucina's hands. His face is seems excited. "Oh, thank you very much." And he runs away, holding the bottle tightly in his hands.

When Valter is out of sight, Eirika came out of her hiding place and approach Lucina. "Do you think that will work?" She asked.

"Don't worry." Lucina reassured her. "After all, there is a saying that Sacaens do not lie."

* * *

 **-Nighttime! (Dun dun dun dun!)-**

"Kukuku…you will be mine at last, Sweet Eirika." Valter mummured in a creepy voice as he followed the postcards that direct him to 'Eirika's' room. He's already drank the potion earlier, for you can see his face turned red which is look like that he is drinking a beer.

He saw another card. "' _on the right.'_ Oh, Eirka, here I go!" he exclaimed.

At their hiding place, Eirika shivered. "Are you okay, Lady Eirika?" Seth asked her.

"I'm okay Seth. Don't worry."

"Do you think he will go to the wrong room?" Ephraim asked the two.

"Yup." His sister answered.

"I feel sorry for the occupant in that room." Seth sighed.

They watched the Moonstone enter the room with the word 'Eirika's room' on it and when he is out of sight, the three Renaisans scurried away.

* * *

 **-Two hours later-**

" **YOU MOTHER[BLEEP!]ING SON OF A [BLEEP!]!** " Hector screamed at the top of his lungs as he chased Valter in the halls, swinging Armads in his hand. His shouting caused him to wake the other heroes up.

"What's going on?" Adult Tiki rubbed her eyes and saw the chaos unfold her. Her jaw agape and the others who are now sleep deprived also jaw gaped and watched the scene but minutes later, they all laughed aloud.

For Valter is wearing a birthday suit and he is carrying all of his clothes in his arms.

"The heck-" Sharena can't continue her sentence because she was laughing out loud.

"Somebody, help me!" The Moonstone screamed.

"Sorry, no one will help you now!" Hector shouted as he raised his axe up high.

Chaos ensures.

* * *

 **-Next Day-**

"Breaking news!" Feh announced to the order. "The Moonstone is in the healer's tent tending to his wounds so that he will get some rest for the upcoming Hero Battle!"

"No one cares about him, anyways!" Arthur commented. Everyone agreed.

* * *

Eliwood noticed the card that read 'Eirika's Room' on Hector's door. He got the card and examined it carefully and when he finished, his blue eyes went red with rage.

Oh, he is SO gonna get it now.

" **ROY!** "

* * *

Of course, Eirika laughed her ass off but frowned when Seth told her that Valter is still alive. But then again, revenge is so sweet and Valter deserves it.

* * *

Hallucinating Valter to get into the wrong room and be killed by Hector: **FAILED.**

* * *

 **Hehehe… I hope I will survive at my final defense in feasib. Good Luck to me!**

 **And a bonus one!**

* * *

 **-Omake 1-**

Ike throws some multiple Hand Axe in a single direction, and it hit on a poorly drawn Black Knight which is post on a wooden pole. Roy saw Ike's throwing axes on the pole.

"Want to assassinate him?" Roy asked him.

"Of course!" And he got the Urvan and ready to throw it. Of course, Mist saw him ready to throw the axe into the wooden pole while she was walking.

"Handle Father's axe with care, brother!"

* * *

 **-Omake 2-**

"So that's Zelgius." Zephiel commented as he looked at the Black Knight's background. "Interesting."

"What's the plan?" Berkut moaned in pain due to what happened to him last chapter.

"Let's recruit him to sabotage Roy's assassination plans."

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	10. Battle of Perfection?

**I'm back, people! Defense for the feasibility study is been over but we have major revisions to our paper! So to commemorate this, I will give you the latest chapter of Dumb Assassinations!**

 **Disclaimer: see chap 1**

* * *

 **Assassination way 7: Subaki, next time don't boast your perfection in front of others.**

In a certain day in Askr Castle, we see a certain Wyvern Rider posing himself in the mirror. Narcien was looking in his reflection in a glorious way.

"I'm strong, I'm cleaver, I'm intelligent." He said to himself while looking in the mirror. "And most importantly, I'm perfect!"

Unknown to him, a certain male Pegasus Knight who was only passing by was stabbed comically and almost flinched.

* * *

"That!" Subaki clenched his javelin as he throw it to a random direction.

"Bastard!" He throws again.

"Pissed!" Another one.

"Me!" He got another from the pile of javelins.

"Off!" the javelin was thrown into the direction and it hit on the pole which has a poorly drawn Narcien posted as a target practice.

His fellow retainer Hana approached him. "Wow, Subaki. Perfect shot as always."

"I'm in a bad mood today, Hana." Subaki said. "That bastard hurt my perfection!"

"At least you're not like Virion." Hana shrugged it off. "Anyways, what's your problem with Narcien?"

"He think that he is a perfectionist! No offense but I heard from Clarine that he's shitty as a swine."

"I forgot. She encountered him." Hana pondered. "Let's asked her for-"

"No. I want to assassinate that bastard for ruining my perfection. "

"You know. I have a solution for that."

* * *

 **-Later-**

"Hana?"

"Yes?"

"Why are we in Lord Roy's room?" Subaki asked as he and Hana are standing in front of the door of Roy's room.

"The Assassination Club has been gathered here." She explained. "But since all of them are focusing on the Tempest, the room is been closed."

"Wait a minute! Don't tell me that we are going to sneak into that room?"

"Bingo, Mr. Perfection!" Hana smiled, then she turned the knob of the door. "Ah! It's opened!"

"Oh dear." Subaki sighed.

The door opened and the two Hoshidans entered the room. It was awfully quiet and Hana found what she's looking for.

The list of assassinations was lying on the table besides the bed. Hana got the paper. "I got it!"

Subaki approached her. "Is that it?"

"Yup!" She answered. "Let's get out of here before anyone sees us."

* * *

 **-Two hours later, in Hana's room-**

"What about this?" Hana suggested. "' _Put a sugar onto the face cream and let the ants bit Zephy'_? Lord Roy sure is very creative on assassinating the king."

"' _Put a head lice on Berkut's_ head'?" Subaki read then shook his head. "It has a 'x' mark on it."

"Here it is!" Hana exclaimed. "The perfect assassination for Narcien!"

"Read it!" Subaki demanded.

* * *

 **-Hours later-**

"Are you sure about this, Subaki?" Hana said.

"Yes. I'm sure." Subaki said, determination is written on his face, holding the bottle of shampoo very tight. "This shampoo will be the death of him."

"Good luck!"

* * *

"Narcien!"

"Oh!" said Wyvern General turned to see Subaki. "It's the only Male Peg Knight in the Order."

"At least, I'm not Valter." Subaki said sarcastically. "Anyways, I have a present for you." He handed the bottle of shampoo to Narcien. "This shampoo makes the hair very shiny. I know that you are very careful about your hair so-"

"Ah, I can't believe the you gave me, Narcien, a gift for my glourious hair." Narcien said dramatically that almost flinched Subaki in disgust. He didn't know that Narcien grab the bottle from his hand. "I will try this tonight! Thank you."

"Okay." Subaki said as he waved to the retreating Narcien. Hana came out of her hiding when the General is out of sight.

"What's the content of the shampoo, anyways?" Hana asked, confused.

"Just watch, Hana." Subaki grinned. "Just watch."

* * *

 **-Nighttime-**

"Ah, my hair." Narcien said dramatically as he stoked his wet hair. He was using the shampoo that Subaki gave him. "That Pegasus Knight sure didn't lie about the shmpoo." He combed it with his hair anf looked at the mirror once more. "I am strong. I am cleaver. I am-" suddenly, a lone bug began to approached and landed on his hair. Narcien of course noticed it .

"Go away, you stupid bug!" He tried to shooed the bug away but more and more bugs began to approached him and it landed ion his hair.

There. Narcien began to scream.

Everyone was somehow disturbed from their nighttime work. Everyone is poking at their door and saw Narcien was running away, bugs are chasing after him.

"Bugs!"- Tiki.

"Close the door, guys!" -Klein warned, causing everyone to close the door. Narcien continued running until he was hit into a wall. The bugs sward him afterwards.

* * *

Subaki laughed like an idiot when Han told him the incident last night. "Just what did you put into that shampoo, anyway?" Hana asked to the laughing Peg Knight.

"Just some Oil that a certain bug loved. Those bugs really loved those."

* * *

Roy noticed that the list of assassination plans is somehow disappeared in his night table.

"Someone must stole it." Roy said then he sighed. "Oh well, since dad grounded me again, anyways."

Narcien was sent to the healer's tent afterwards. Narcien's head go bad like what happened to Berkut.

Zephiel had enough. He is going to take actions to sabotage Roy's assassination plans.

* * *

Put a oil into the shampoo and let the bugs swarm on (Zephiel's) head: **FAILED (** Subaki replaced Zephiel with Narcien so there is an undeline on Zephiel's name. **)**

* * *

 **And I'm done (I'm on the writer's block. It's so hard to type on the tablet.)**

 **Anyways, I'm done with the feasib but I got finals to face afterwards. I will be update like before after the exams!**

 **Another extra for this chapter!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

"So, son of Gawain, you are starting to look like him." The Black Knight commented as he scanned Ike's new outfit from head to toe. "And you're using Urvan as your main weapon? Ha! Master Gawain will be rolling out of his grave when he finds out." And he laughs as he walking farther from the angry mercenary.

Ike, feeling that his dignity is somehow shattered a little, shouted at the retreating Knight. " **SCREW YOU, ZELGIUS!** "

" **YOU TOO, SON OF GAWAIN!** " The Black Knight shouted back.

Silence ensures afterwards.

"Guess I'll look for Roy." Ike said, leaving to search for the redhead.

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	11. Seliph, calm down

**School's out now! (but still have to sign the Approval Sheet for the feasib) Since the latest Voting Gauntlet is over and there is a new banner coming, I can't wait to play it tomorrow!**

 **By the way, spoilers from the Genealogy of the Holy War if you didn't play the game.**

 **Disclaimer: see prologue**

* * *

 **Interlude 3: Tryfing and Vallaflame don't mix. Period.**

"Announcement!" Feh shouted cheerfully. All of the heroes are now gathering around the owl. "We have now the final result of the Voting Gauntlet!"

Then suddenly, a projectile shows the competing heroes. The top box seems empty. "After three days of fighting and hurling at each other ("We're not!" the dragon blooded participants shouted), we are now declaring the winner!"

"And who is the winner in this gauntlet?" Eldigan asked.

"And the winner is…." Suddenly, Ninian's face popped out of the top box. "Ninian, from the world of Blazing!"

"Whohooo!" Hector cheered, fist pumping in the air. "Finally! The world of Blazing has a winner in this freaking gauntlet!"

"After Lady Camilla ROBBED Lady Lyndis' win in the second round, I think we avenged her." Serra gloated, glared at the Nohrians. "We don't want a repeat of what happened!"

"After the 'Ephraim vs. Chrom' match?" Clair asked then she shrugged. "At least, the two Corrins are losing to the gauntlet for the first time."

"And you are going to wear the gauntlet dunce, my dear siblings." Xander teased as he and Ryoma holding the two cone-shaped hats from chapter 9. The two Corrins gulped as they saw the hats from their eldest brothers' hands.

"You know, we want to congratulate Lady Pherae, but-" Kamui said as he and Corrin began to run. "WE DON'T WANT TO WEAR THAT HAT!" and the two ran for their lives. The two Crown Princes chased after them.

"Come back afterwards! We have additional announcements to make!" Kiran hollered at the four. Then he turned to Feh. "Let's hear the announcement."

"First is that." Then Feh sipped a piña colada. "The world of the Holy War is now open and we can recruit new heroes!"

The four people from the Holy War world seems excited to this. "Who are they?" Eldigan asked, his tone seems that he is excited. "I want to see Sigurd and Quan again!"

"Will mother and father will be summoned?" Seliph asked, looking at the Pherae family congratulating Ninian. "Because I'm jealous at Roy right now."

"First is the Noble thunder, Tiltiu." Feh announced as she shows the picture of Titiu at them. Reindhardt and Olwen were shocked at the image.

"Is that-?"

"Yes, Olwen. It's Teeny's mom."

The others are reacted to the new hero.

"Another blue tome wielding user?"

"Hope she doesn't have a Dire Thunder because it's suck!"

"HEY!" Reindhardt reacted. "Dire Thunder is the best weapon for the blue tome wielding users!"

"To you and to your sis." Hector said. Ike and Zelgius agreed on him. "But to us, if we face a carbon copy of you wielding that tome, we're toast!"

"Point taken."

"Second!" Feh shouted so everyone got their attention on her. "Is the beautiful Lady of the Forest, Deirdre!" The image of Titiu was changed into the image of Deirdre. Everyone looked at Julia with curiosity.

"She's my mom." She said before anyone questions her.

"And she's my mom also." Seliph added if someone questions him.

"Last but not the least!" Feh shouted again. Everyone turned their attention on the owl again. "Is the Holy Knight himself, Sigurd!" The image of Deidre is changed to the image of Sigurd.

Eldigan smiled at the picture. "Finally. Can't wait to see him again."

"Me too, big brother." Lachesis agreed on him.

"It's father! Finally I don't have to look at Roy and Lord Eliwood now!" Seliph exclaimed happily.

"We have a fourth one." And the image of Sigurd is changed into the image of Ayra. "But according to Anna, we will recruit her in Tempest Trial, but we need to wait for the news until it was confirmed."

"I guess. After all, Ayra is very strong." Lachesis said. "She and Lady Lyndis will have a battle of the graceful swordsmanship."

"I'll better lose to Camilla, thank you very much." Lyn said.

"Awww, you're so sweet." Camilla teased.

"And there is a rumor of a Grand Hero Battle in that world!" Feh said, and then she looked at Seliph and Julia with a poker face. "And you two know this one."

"Let me guess? Julius?" Seliph guessed. "Because we don't want a second Prince Bruno around."

"Nope. Not him."

"Then who?" Julia scratched her head from guessing who.

"The King of Granvalle, Arvis." Feh deadpans. "According to the rumors."

Silence ensures that you can hear a pin drop on the floor.

Then, Seliph brandished Tryfing and swings it in the air.

" **THAT MOTHER[BLEEP!]ING SON OF A [BLEEP!]? THAT GUY MAKES ME AND MY FELLOW ORPHANS' LIVES INTO A LIVING HELL!** " Seliph berserked. Yes, the Scion of Light berserked at the name 'Arvis'. " **I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM!** "

Eldigan hold both of Seliph's arms to prevent him from attacking someone. "Calm down, Seliph. I know you have the reason to be angry at-"

" **HE BARBECUED FATHER!** " Seliph shouted. Everyone was stunned at his answer.

"Wait what?" Eldigan was confused as well. "Repeat that again, Seliph?"

" **HE BARBEQUED FATHER!** " Seliph shouted again. " **AND ALL THE REST OF THE MEMBERS OF THE ARMY! HE ALSO STOLE MOTHER FROM FATHER BEFORE THE SIBLINGSHIP BETWEEN THAT BASTARD AND MOTHER WAS DISCOVERED!** "

"And he's the one who was fooled by Lotpyr Sect." Julia muttered. "Brother, you must know that father is also a victim to that war."

"But-"

"Seliph. Please accept father, your uncle." Julia pleaded. Seliph lay down his weapon (Eldigan let him go first) and hung his head to the ground.

"Sorry." He muttered.

Eldigan took the Tryfing from Seliph's hands. "And wielding the Holy Weapon in public is very dangerous."

"That is much intense." Hector said after watching the scene. "And I thought that was happened in tales of the old."

"But I feel sorry for Seliph." Eliwood said at his friend. "Sigurd never had seen his own son growing up like he is today, so it is painful for a child himself to feel the loss of a parent."

"And that is the announcement for today!" Feh said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. "Don't worry, Seliph. It's just only a rumor so feel free to look at the bulletin board for confirmation." Seliph nodded and by that, everyone was dispersed.

"Wait, I forgot." Eldigan realized that he forgot to ask Feh something due to Seliph's rampage earlier.

"WHY QUAN ISN'T IN THE BANNER?!"

* * *

 **And that's it!**

 **TV Tropes says that Lyn was almost win the second round in the previous voting gauntlet, only be robbed by Camilla because of the score multiplier (I know that Team Lyn is still salty for that up until now.)**

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	12. Black Knight's boyfriend?

**Hello! I am inviting you to… dumb assassinations! Did you think that Arvis will be here in this chapter? Nope! But he will be…**

 **This chapter contains lewd ideas and shipper on deck plans from our favorite mercenary and some yaoi pairings. You have been warned.**

 **Disclaimer: see prologue**

* * *

 **Assassination way 8: Zelgius' love life is NOT to be a controversy, Ike.**

"So, son of Gawain. If you are trying to kill me because I killed your father, you must switch your weapon from Urvan to Ragnell so that I can fight you fair and square." Zelgius chastise Ike as he saw the latter wielding Greil's weapon. Again.

"So what, Mr. I-Have-A-Distant-Counter-So-Those-Colorless-And-Tome-Wielding-People-Are-No-Match-Against-Me-And-I-Have-Eclipse-To-Pulverize-You? Lyn can cancel your distant counter, Roy could double you and Lucina have you to be stab to death before you know it! " Ike mocked as he knew the rules of the Brave Heroes. Zelgius shut his mouth. Serves him right.

"And Reindhardt could double you with his Dire Thunder because he's a blue unit!" He added.

"Dire Thunder sucks."

"And you will be doubled by the People with Amor slaying weapons."

"Did your boyfriend lectured you about respect?" the Black Knight raised his eyebrow (he removed his helmet so that he will talk to Ike without muffling in his helmet. No one sees his face, anyway) and looked at Ike poker face.

Ike's face turned red in anger. "Soren's NOT my boyfriend!"

"What about Marth?"

"He HAS a wife for Ashera's sake!"

"Don't tell me?" then the Black Knight gasped. "You like Roy! You and him are competing in the last gauntlet and I hear the fangirls are squealing at the two of you!"

This the last straw for Ike. Instead of cleaving the smirking Zelgius in half with Urvan, he decides to back out for a while and have Zelgius relish his ridiculous victory over him. " **SCREW YOU, ZELGIUS!** "

"You too, Ike."

Ike gritted his teeth in anger. "Fuck you!" he said with the middle finger pointed at Zelgius.

"Then fuck the Young Lion later." The Black Knight talked back and laughed.

Ike screeched.

* * *

"He thinks that you and I have a relationship?" Roy asked at a furious Ike. Ike told the redhead about what the Black Knight said. "I have a girlfriend, you know!"

"Yeah I know." Ike calms down and he sighed. "That guy almost get in my nerves! I mean, he REALLY insist that I'm gay."

"Because you have an A-support with Soren and Ranulf?" Ike nodded.

"I could help you in assassinating him, but." Roy looked at the table beside his bed. "Someone stole the list so I can't give you some ideas."

"Weeeeeell, You don't need to be worry about that right now!" Roy and Ike looked at the source of the voice and saw Marth in the doorway.

"What did you mean, Marth?" Ike asked the Hero King.

Marth shows the paper. "Saizo found it in Hana's room while he was looking for her. He gave it to me while I was pass by."

Ike stands up and grabbed the paper from Marth. He scanned the assassination list and he grinned at a certain idea. "Heheh. I will use this at him!"

"Huh?" The two are confused.

Ike laughed like a certain yellow octopus.

* * *

"Everyone, we are playing truth or dare!" Kiran announced to the entire order. Everyone seated in a round order and the villains only grunted.

Kiran looked at everyone. "I decide to do this because all of you are very tired from fighting Sigurd and Deirdre so this will be considered as a relaxation!"

"I agree with Kiran." Alfonse said, smiling. "After all, we are tired and need to be rest with this game."

"Yey!" Sharena cheered. "I'm first!" She looked at the heroes. "Marth, truth of dare?"

"Uhh…dare?" Marth answered.

"Good!" Sharena clasped her hand in delight. "I want you to dress like a girl!"

"What?!" Marth exclaimed. "This is worse than Roy's spin the bottle game!"

"Just do it~" Sharena teased as she hold a very beautiful frilly blue dress. Math grabbed the dress and walks out in huff. Minutes later, Marth returned, wearing the dress.

Michalis laughed out loud. "I never live to see the day that Marth of Altea dressed like a girl!" he was clobbed by Minerva and the Altean Knights seconds later. Marth removed the dress (he wore it with his usual clothes on) and sat down.

"Refrain from attacking each other. We need you in one peace." Alfonse said, then he continue. "Ryoma, truth or dare?"

"Truth." The Peerless Samurai answered.

"Are you sure that you're not a lobster?" Alfonse asked. Everyone laughed.

Ryoma pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not a lobster. Whoever gets that 'lobster lord' joke sure has a very grudge on me."

"Well, you looked like one." Xander giggled.

"Okay Xander, truth or dare?" Ryoma talked back.

"Dare, of course." Xander smirked.

Ryoma grinned. "Wear the bunny costume you obtained in the Easter Event and remain on that for the rest of the day."

"What?!"

"Sorry, you choose dare so do it."

"Fuck you, Ryoma!" Xander said as he stands up and leaves.

"Maybe later!" He hollered.

"While we are waiting for Xander." Anna looked at the heroes. "Let's continue. Eliwood, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Aside from Ninian and Lyn, who is your other potential wife?"

"Fiora, but she's not here."

"Are you and Hector got in a relationship once?"

"WHAT?!" Eliwood and Hector exclaimed. "Where did you get that rumor?"

"From someone name Legault."

"I kill that Hurricane!" Hector muttered under his breath. Eliwood only sighed

"Okay. Inigo, truth or dare?" Eliwood asked

"Dare."

"Dance all of Ninian's dragon dance." The Knight of Lycia smiled.

"All right!" And Inigo/Laslow did all of Ninian's dances, from Ninis' Grace to Thor's Ire. Halfway to Set's Litany, Owain/Odin put a banana peel at the floor, causing Inigo/Laslow to slip and face planted.

"Owain!" Inigo/Laslow screeched.

"What?" Owain/Odin feigned innocence.

"Fuck you!" Inigo/Laslow cursed.

"Why everyone is cursing now?" the newly recruited Deirdre asked and sighed.

"Because they are mad?" the equally newly recruited Sigurd sighed. "Hope our Seliph doesn't learn that language."

"Point taken."

"All right! Black Knight, truth or dare?" Ike asked the Black Knight.

"Truth." He answered.

Ike grinned. He is going to say it now. "Are you sure you didn't [ **BLEEP!** ] Sephiran before the battle in the Tower of Guidance?"

Everyone, especially Zelgius, was stunned at Ike's question. The Greil Mercenaries, Marth, Roy and Sanaki are only covered their mouths in laughter.

"Wait what?" Zelgius stammered, can't believe of what Ike said. "Repeat that Ike?"

"Did you and Sephiran [ **BLEEP!** ] each other before our final battle?" Ike asked again this time his grin is getting wider.

Silence covered the entire hall seconds later.

Then the Black Knight's helmet turned red. "Where did you get that, Son of Gawain?"

"From somewhere." Ike answered. "In canon, you said that Sephiran will follow you in the after life before you die in our final battle."

"But I'm not his-"

"Boyfriend? Then what about this?" Ike pulled out a paper and read it aloud. "' _As Zelgius took the senator's hand, he took the vow that he will leave him alone for as long as he live and Sephiran sure that Zelgius_ '-"

"Give me that!" The Black Knight snatched the paper from Ike's hand and read the entire contents. As he finished reading it, his helmet turned red as Roy's hair. "Sephiran IS my liege!" He screeched.

"Then what about." Ike pulled out another paper. "' _As Zelgius is alone in his chambers, he can't stop thinking about his liege. He began to-'_ I don't want to continue because there are children present here."

The Greil Mercenaries, Marth, Roy and Sanaki can't hold their laughter anymore and laugh out loud. They know what's next in Ike's 'story'.

Zelgius, instead of cleaving the smirking Ike in half with Alondite, decides to back out for a while and have Ike relish his ridiculous victory over him. " **SCREW YOU, IKE!** "

"You too, Zelgius."

The Black Knight gritted his teeth in anger. "Fuck you!" He did the middle finger and point it at Ike, but before Ike could respond, Deirdre had enough with the cursing and cast Naga on the Black Knight, causing him to be charred.

Deirdre dusted her dress. "That's enough cursing, people!"

* * *

"Well, I guess that's that." Roy said as they returned to his room.

"I didn't kill Zelgius physically." Ike said and he laughed. "But that makes him die in embarrassment!"

What about Zelgius? He was sent in the Healer's tent and the rest continued their Truth or Dare in the whole day.

* * *

Talk about the Black Knight's relationship with Sephiran and have some fangirls mauled him to death: **FAILED AND DEIRDRE MAULED HIM INSTEAD.**

* * *

 **And that's it!**

 **Fanfictions have Zelgius/Sephiran stories but Ike/Soren have more. If you are against these pairing and want to have a het pairing instead, I understand you. I put it for laughs.**

 **And additional chapter!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

Seliph walked back and forth as he walked in front of Roy's door. He sees some of the shenanigans involving the villains lately and he knew that Roy is all behind this, judging that Eliwood grounded his son when something happened involving the villains.

Determine to kill Arvis should he come, Seliph inhaled and exhaled as he stop in front of the door.

"Okay Seliph. You can do this." And he proceeds to knock on the door.

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	13. Sigurd and Seliph's payback!

**Hello everyone! This is the chapter that you have been waiting for! The Chalphians' payback! Enjoy in this party and hope that they are very happy!**

 **Contains some suggestiveness from the resident redhead and the Lady of the Forest. You've been warned.**

 **Disclaimer: see prologue**

* * *

 **Assassination way 9: Karma is a bitch, Arvis!**

"Look we have here. It's the usurper and his son." Arvis mocked as he saw Sigurd and Seliph talking to each other.

"And what did you want, Arvis?" Sigurd asked while raising his eyebrow in doubt.

"Let's say that you and I are in the same team." He gestured. "And I have more time to spend with my wife and daughter."

"Your wife is your sister, idiot."

"So what? At least I let my family be picture perfect, unlike you-"

"If you say another word, I'll kill you!" Seliph threatened his uncle.

"Try me, Seliph. You wouldn't want to kill your precious uncle do you?" And Arvis walked away and laughed.

* * *

And so we saw Seliph walked back and forth in front of Roy's door from the last chapter. Like the story said, he knock at the door three times and Roy opened it.

"Oh, Seliph. Why are you here?" Roy asked.

"Well Roy, you see…"

* * *

"You want to what?!" the Assassination Club exclaimed after Seliph explained his dilemma.

"So, you want to assassinate your uncle because he killed your father?" Roy asked.

"Yes."

"According to the legend, Arvis burned Sigurd with Valflame." Robin said, putting his hand in his chin. "In other words, he barbequed him."

"That makes me bitter!" Seliph said.

"Aside from your mom, did he have any relationship?" Marth asked.

"There's Saias' mom but none other her, I don't know." He ansewered.

Roy was pondering on something. Then, the lightbulb in his head lighted. "I have an idea!"

"Hope it's not stupid, Roy." Ike facepalmed.

"Don't worry, Ike. This is perfect."

* * *

"The girls are bathing in the hot springs today, so this is an opportunity to take their nude photos and have Arvis blame on them." Roy said to Seliph. They, along with Reflet, Corrin and Lucina was hiding in a huge statue in the hot springs. Seliph is holding a camera that he borrowed from Roy.

"I'm not a pervert into this, but." Seliph said as he saw Camilla talking to Lyn and he gulped very hard. Camilla sure is huge! "I can do this!"

"At lease Reflet, Corrin and I are here." Lucina said as they began to sink into the hot water. "You can do this, Lord Seliph."

Seliph inhaled and exhaled. "okay." Then he raise the camera and take a shot.

* * *

 **-Two hours later, Roy's bedroom-**

"You got lots!" Ryoma exclaimed as he and the others saw the photographs of the nude women on the table.

"Who has the permission to take a NUDE photo of Camilla?!" Xander said, his eyes are red with rage as he saw Camilla's photo.

"Come on, Xander. This was only an assassination material-" Roy explained but Xander is ready to brandish Siegfried. The redhead turned to Ryoma. "Ryoma, save me!"

"Xander, please." Ryoma pleaded. Xander only sighed and put the sword away. "Tell me, whose room we are going to put these photos tonight?"

* * *

 **-Three days later-**

' _As the two rode out on the beautiful sunset, they hold their hands gently and softly.'_ Deirdre wrote this on a notebook with a sigh then put down her pen to gather her thoughts. Since the tension between her true husband and her brother/second husband gave her a massive headache, she decides a way to make their ultimatum- either settle their issue aside and make it up or blackmailing them with this explicit yaoi story with illustrations courtesy of Ayra. Yes folks, you read it right: Ayra!

"Um, Deirdre?" Ayra asked as she peeked at the notebook. "I think I should suggest some explicit scenes."

"Thank you, Ayra." Deirdre smiled and she continued writing. _'Sigurd began to-'_ suddenly she saw Eldigan frowning. "Something's wrong, Lord Eldigan?"

"You should include me in that blackmail material of yours." The Lionheart whined.

"Because you want to get some score on my husband, do you?" Deirdre guessed. "No, this is a blackmail material of them if they don't work together."

That statement makes Eldigan cried. He turned his eyes and saw Seliph running into Arvis' direction.

"Where is he going?"

* * *

"Uncle!"

Arvis turned his head and saw Seliph catching up with him. "What is it, Seliph?"

"Father wants to talk to you." He said in between breaths. "He said that he's lost the war and you can have mom all you want."

That makes Arvis's face lit up. He shook Seliph's shoulder. "Where's Sigurd?"

"In the Central Hall." But before Seliph could speak further, his uncle/stepfather run in a Sonic speed, looking for Sigurd.

Seliph grinned. "Ha! You fell into my trap!"

* * *

But as Arvis entered at the Central Hall when the door opened, he was faced instead by the angry girls glaring at him, respective weapons drawn.

"What's going on?" He asked them when he saw the girls holding their weapons tight.

"Somebody took a nude photos of us three days ago." Lyn explained as some of them gathered around him. He looked around and realized that he has been surrounded. "And the handwriting on these photos proves that you took these." She showed the photos and threw it at Arvis' feet.

"Hey!" Arvis defended himself. It wasn't me!"

"How about the handwriting?!" Hinoka furiously asked.

Arvis picked up one of the photos and his eyes widened in shock as he saw his own handwriting on it. "How in the world?"

"Father, how could you?" Julia cried.

"Julia, I can explain-"

"Step aside, Julia!" Celica said, Ragnarok already drawn. "According to the records, the Emperor of Flames burned the Holy Knight to ashes. So, let's give him a taste of his own medicine."

"Yay! Killing time!" Peri giddily said, killer lance drawn.

"Drat!" Arvis exclaimed. He leave Valflame in his room so he is unarmed. "Girls, I think we can settle this in a nice, civilized way?"

"Oh, we are going to be civilized IF you admit to yourself that you are a pervert." Titania gritted her teeth in anger, emerald axe drawn. "Fire mages and everyone, attack!"

Arvis was so scared as the girls began to attack him. His brain registered on who is to blame.

" **SIGURD, YOU DASTARD!** " Arvis screeched at the top of his lungs.

* * *

Outside the Central hall while they hear Arvis screeching, the father and son laughed their asses off.

"Wow, Seliph. I can't believed that you can pull an idea of that!" Sigurd said in between laughs.

"It was Roy's idea, father." Seliph said. "I was surprised that you agreed on this."

"Point taken."

* * *

 **-Flashback, three days ago-**

" _Seliph, what are those?" Sigurd asked as he saw he son running towards the halls holding the pictures._

" _Oh, this?" Seliph looked at the photos. "Its nothing."_

" _Nothing?" Sigurd approached his son. "Let me see."_

" _Father, don't!"_

 _But it was too late. Sigurd saw the photos and raised his eyebrow in doubt. "Is this really Arvis' handwriting?"_

" _Father, I'm sorry! I was planning to assassinate uncle with that and I-"_

" _You said you want to assassinate Arvis?" Seliph nodded._

 _Sigurd smiled. "I'll help you."_

 **-Flashback end-**

* * *

"And we have a new member in the Club." Ike announced and looked at the two. "How do you feel?"

"Better!" Seliph said.

"And that will teach Arvis a lesson!" Sigurd said.

And so, the Emperor of Flames has been scorched by the fire wielding ladies, but was halted by Kiran when he finds out. He was sent into the healer's tent afterwards. When Deirdre finds out, she blackmailed her brother and shoved the notebook to his face.

Sigurd is not safe on that either.

* * *

Take a shot of nude photos and blame Arvis for it: **FAILED BUT SIGURD AND DEIRDRE HAVE PARTIAL CREDITS FOR IT.**

* * *

 **And I finished it after a week of writer's block.**

 **School has been resumed and we have workloads to do. It will be a slow update so bear with me.**

 **And additional chapter.**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

 **(Three days ago)**

Deirdre spied on the father and son. She overheard the assassination plot. She only giggled.

'It will be a good plot to my next story'. She thought. 'Well then, time to find Ike and Roy.' She added.

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	14. Takumi, don't be salty!

**Something to celebrate in a day!**

 **Disclaimer: see prologue**

* * *

 **Interlude 4: Pineapple hair is stomped by a Pegasus Knight from Ilia!**

"Announcement!" Feh happily cheered. The order has been gathered by the resident owl. Ryoma and Hinoka, who are wearing the gauntlet dunces on their heads, only smiled at Takumi, who was waiting at the results, while Shanna who was with Roy; was nervous.

"We have the result of the gauntlet!" Feh said. "I will now announce the winner!"

"Who is it?" Arvis asked.

The image shows the contenders and like in the last intermission, the top box is blank. "After three rounds of hurling weapons at each other, the judges have now spoken!"

"Just tell us the winner already!" Ephraim shouted.

"And the winner for this gauntlet is…." And Shanna's face pop up on the top box. "Shanna from the World of Binding!"

"WHOHOOO! ELIBE WON AGAIN!" Hector cheered, fist pumping in the air. "Good job, Shanna!"

"And the crown is now yours!" Roy said as he placed the gauntlet crown at a surprised Shanna.

"Did I won, Chief?" Shanna asked Roy.

"Of course! Congratulations and if your sisters and Zealots are here, they will be proud of you." Roy said, smiling.

"And Deke and the others also!" Shanna said. She was crying with joy. "Waah! I can't believe I won!"

"Hold up!" Takumi shouted. "How in the world did a PEGASUS KNIGHT won?! I have the advantage against her!"

"Weapon triangle defy everything in the voting gauntlet." Ryoma said to his little brother. "Even I was lost to Soren in the first round, despite that I have the triangle advantage."

"And the fans love Shanna a lot." Leo chimed in. "Consider this as a price for Corrin choosing the 'Nohr side'."

"Screw you!" Takumi shouted at Shanna.

But Shanna stuck her tongue at Takumi. "Prick Pineapple!"

Takumi brandished the Fujin Yumi. "Why you-"

" **ENOUGH!** " Ryoma shouted, pointing the Raijinto at his little brother. "Takumi, you should learn to accept losing!"

"No! I want to be the best!"

" **TAKUMI!** " Ryoma shouted again.

Takumi lay down his bow and hung his head in shame. Ryoma took his arm and drag him away. "Excuse me, guys." Then he turned to Shanna. "And congrats, Shanna!" and they leave.

The others only looked at the retreating princes. "Well, that's all for today!" Feh announced. And by that everyone dispersed

"Is Prince Takumi have a grudge against Pegasus Knights, Chief?" Shanna asked her chief again.

Roy facepalmed. "Ask Takumi himself."

* * *

 **Congratulations to Team Shanna for winning the VG! For Team Takumi, it was a job well done for battling!**

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	15. Losers' payback!

**This special chapter will be dedicated to the players who are been on Teams Linde, Julia, Robin, Priscilla, Faye and Sigurd for being defeated by Team Tharja. That's right people! Tharja is the next person to be assassinated!**

 **And to Tharja fans, don't take this chapter seriously. It's only for fun.**

 **Disclaimer: see prologue**

* * *

 **Assassination way 10: You won the gauntlet before! Give way to others and Robin HAS a wife, for Naga's sake!**

"I can't believe that bitch is winning again!"

"Language, Faye. Alm might not notice you with that mouth of yours."

Faye and Priscilla are sitting in the foyer of the castle; both girls are wearing gauntlet dunces on their heads. The result of the VG has been shown moments earlier and everyone (even the Yliseans) is NOT happy that Tharja won. Again.

"She won against Robin before. Hasn't she's satisfied?" Faye complained again.

"No. She wants to prove to everyone that her love for Robin is deeper than everyone."

"That's stalking!"

"But not for her."

"I wish Mr. Sigurd won! Ike is crying in the corner now!"

The two girls sighed. Everyone is expecting for Sigurd to be the second male winner of the gauntlet but because of unknown forces, Tharja won.

"I think she's cheating!"

"You think?" Priscilla asked.

"Yeah! She lost against Camilla last time. So, she devises a plan to won in this gauntlet."

"But the decision was final. Tharja won. We can't be salty about it."

But an idea was popped out on Faye's mind. "Let's get Mr. Sigurd."

* * *

"No."

"No? But why?"

"Listen Faye, first I was already hexed by a fire mage and I'm still salty about it and second, whatever that idea popped out in that mind of yours, don't do it." Sigurd said as he leaned against the door. Like the two girls, he was wearing the gauntlet dunce in his head.

"She stole your victory, Mr. Sigurd!" Faye explained. "Everyone in the order knew that your devotion to Ms. Deirdre is greater than everyone!"

"And she's only stalking Robin." Priscilla added. "We all knew that he has Lissa already."

Sigurd pondered. True, Tharja stole his victory and Robin is now scared that she is stalking him even more. Worse, he heard from Reflet that Tharja is devising a plan to seduce the poor tactician and Chrom ordered Frederick and Sully to keep an eye on her.

He sighed in defeat. "What's your plan, Faye?"

* * *

"WHAT?! YOU'RE GOING TO USE **ME** AS A BAIT?!"

"Hush, Robin! Do you want that witch stalk you forever?"

Robin shut up. When Sigurd approach Robin and tell Faye's entire plan, the tactician was shocked. Of course, he knew who's the 'witch' is. "But are you sure that plan work? Is sounds like as an assassination."

"Of course it is! Let's prove to her that you didn't like her!"

"But don't push her buttons easily. She might get angry." Robin reminded the Holy Knight. The tactician remembered that the last person who tries to assassinate Tharja was sent to the healer's tent.

"Okay, I get it. Let's get your not-daughter and Linde for further cooperation."

* * *

 **-Two weeks later-**

"Robin~"

"Egad! Get away from me, Tharja!" Robin cried as he was chased by said mage. Behind her are Frederick and Sully who are after her due to Chrom's orders.

"Stay away from him!"

"That's enough, Tharja!"

"You can't catch me." Tharja mocked the two knights. "And no one gets in my way between me and Robin."

"Yandere much?" Sully was confused. She and her lieutenant look at each other.

" **WE WISH LORD SIGURD WON!** " The two wailed.

The chasing was reached up to the central hall where the Assassination Club has been decorating the Christmas tree. Roy was holding a Christmas sash when Robin encircled him, Tharja hot on his trail.

"Robin, what the-?" Roy wanted to ask as he was tripped by the cable of the Christmas Lights and tripped, causing the redhead to fall flat on his face.

"You okay, Roy?" Marth asked the redhead.

"I'm fine." Roy answered.

"Sorry, Roy!" Robin hollered at the redhead.

Robin turned to the right in a Sonic speed when he decides to hide at a certain room and locked the door after he entered. The rest of the heroes who are defeated by Tharja also gathered in that room.

"Is she here?" Linde asked.

"Yeah." Robin said as he was huffing, catching his breath.

They hear some footsteps coming from outside. "I think it's her." Priscilla said.

"Is the trap ready?" Sigurd asked his not-daughter.

"Ready!" Julia answered.

Faye gets a tome from nowhere. "Let's teach that mage a lesson she'll never forget."

* * *

"Robin~ where are you?" Tharja opened the door to the room where Robon is hiding. The dark mage surveyed the room as she saw that the tactician isn't there. "That's weird." Unknown to her, her leg was leaned on a wire, and a noise was heard. "What the-?" She turned on her head to look at the source of the noise and a blast of Fenrir was cast. On her face.

"WHO **DARE** CAST A FENRIR ON ME-?!"

Chaos ensures.

* * *

"Roy?"

"I didn't do it, father." Roy explained to Eliwood as the latter heard that Tharja was sent to the healer's tent. "I was with Marth and the others, decorating the Christmas tree." Eliwood raised his eyebrow in doubt. "Honest!"

"Are you sure?" Roy nodded.

"I believe you, but next time if you do something stupid, I have no choice but to ground you again." And Eliwood leaves.

As he saw his father leave, Roy sighed in relief. "Robin, I hope this assassination plan of yours worked."

Robin, who was hiding on the pillar, went out and said to Roy. "Yeah. That way, Tharja won't stalk me anymore."

Unknown to him and the others, Tharja was recovered quickly and two days later, we seen her chased Robin again but this time, Lissa and the rest of the people defeated by the said mage are after her, weapons drawn.

Alfonse sees the chaos in front of him. "Salty much?"

Kiran sighed. "Yeah." And he decides to stop the chaos.

"Luckily, Zacharias isn't here." AlFonse commented.

* * *

Place a trap on Tharja while chasing Robin and give her a taste of her own medicine: **FAILED.**

* * *

 **And that's it! Please don't be salty and be glad for the results! And congratulations to Team Tharja for winning the Enduring Love VG. For Team Sigurd, it was a job well done.**

 **And additional omake for this story, as always!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

" **SHIRO! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT DON'T CHALLENGE KAREL OR AYRA OF ALL PEOPLE IN A SPARRING SESSION?!** " Ryoma shouted at the top of his lungs as he saw his son lying in the bed in a full body cast.

"You too, Siegbert!" Xander scolded his son who is on the same condition as Shiro. "Those two are monsters!"

The two youths only shrugged. The fathers only sighed.

"Kids. Now I'm sounded like Lord Eliwood." Ryoma and Xander chorused.

* * *

 **Next chapter, we will be returning to the villains.**

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


	16. Michalis' WORST nightmare

**Sorry for the long delay. Real life has been consuming me and I forgot to update this fic so for compensation, I will post the new chapter of Dumb Assassinations!**

 **But before you read this chapter, I voice out some recent villains that will be targeted by the Assassination Club:**

 **Oliver- I will wait till the Laguz are summoned in Heroes.**

 **Lyon- Too bad I won't include him here.**

 **Grima- I haven't played Awakening so I will think of a storyline to it.**

 **Hardin- same as Lyon.**

 **Clarisse- I will put the storyline together with Legion.**

 **Legion- same as Clarisse.**

 **Lloyd- let Eliwood assassinate him.**

 **Ursula- see Lloyd.**

 **So, I settled to Michalis. So get this story roll on!**

 **Disclaimer: see prologue**

* * *

 **Assassination way 11: And thus, the Michalis Archetype was born!**

Minerva is pissed. Real way pissed.

Recently, her brother got a special mission from Kiran and this mission involves bows and arrows. So he and the other flying units who has an Iote's Shield in their A slot (they killed a LOT of stray Michalises to get one because the summoner gave the sacred seal version to Hinoka who is now wielding a bow) and dashed out to the sky but before leaving, he joked to his sister about staying in the wyvern stables and eat some hay.

" **I'M NOT A WYVERN, YOU ASSHOLE! TELL THAT TO CHERCHE!** " Of course, Minerva is not pleased with her brother who is laughing and snuck his tongue out at her.

"Because you looked like a wyvern, my dear sister!" He joked out loud and leaves.

Michalis swears that he hears Minerva screech like a banshee in the tower.

* * *

"Minerva, calm down." Marth reassures the Macedonian Princess when she entered Marth's room all of the sudden. Marth gave her a glass of water in which Minerva took it from his hands.

"That bastard! His jokes gets too far!" Minerva gritted her teeth then drink her water. "Just because there is a wyvern who has the same name as me doesn't mean that he will use it to piss me off!"

"I'm sure Minervykins is pleased with Michalis' jokes." Marth said. Apparently, Cherche and Gerome have no comment about the 'Minerva joke' so they only shrugged it off and tell it as a compliment. Of course, Minerva is not amused.

"If I have to remove that Iote's Shield on him…" Minerva muttered.

Suddenly, the light bulb on Marth's head lit up very lightly and grinned. He has the perfect idea for assassination.

* * *

"Repeat again, Marth?" Roy asked him.

"We have to remove the Iote's Shield on Michalis and be targeted by the archers." Marth explains his assassination plan.

"But removing that shield from him is very hard, considering that he always carries it everyday, even without a mission." Ike said.

"Oh no, dear Ike." Marth tsked. "We have a mission regarding the Muspell soldiers getting in the territory next week so this is my perfect chance to get revenge on him."

"How?" the two brave heroes asked.

"Sigurd and Ryoma are with me on this mission so I explained this plan to them and they agreed." Marth said and he laughed like an idiot.

* * *

 _ **-On the day of the mission-**_

"Allright, everyone." Sigurd, who was the team leader of the group, ordered to his companions. "Make sure that the Muspell soldiers will not reach the castle. Michalis, I want you to take up the sky and scout if any of the enemies breach the borderline."

"Understood."

"Ryoma, make sure you need to kill all of the staff users in their army. Marth will back you up and I will deal the enemy leader. Now, make sure that you are all ready because we are moving out immediately."

"Yessir!" Marth saluted.

Michalis checked all of his inventory in his bag. Weapon? Check. Reins? Check. Iote's Shield?

Absent.

Michalis blinked once. Then twice. He realized that the Iote's Shield is missing in his inventory.

"Sigurd." Michalis called out to his leader. Sigurd turned his head. "Seems like my Iote's Shield is missing. Can I go back to the castle?"

' _Shit! Our plan's going to ruin if he goes back!'_ The three heroes thought. "Michalis, we don't have much time to go back to the castle. There are no archers or Green mages with Excalibur in the enemy's ranks." Ryoma said.

"Besides, Ryoma is taking care of them." Marth said. "You will be alright."

Michalis sighed, defeated. "Okay, people."

"Alright! Let's move out!"

* * *

 _ **-Castle-**_

"Err… Minerva?"

"Yeah?"

"Did… you stole the Iote's Shield from Michalis?" Ike asked here.

"I steal it when he wasn't looking." She explained. "Do you think Roy will be alright?"

"Roy's alright. In fact, he gets a tome from the merchant so he will be fine."

* * *

 _ **-Same mission place, second group-**_

"Are they here?" Roy asked Zelgius, who is the leader of the group. The group is composed of them, Lucina and Reinhardt.

"Most likely."

"Can we move out?" Lucina asked.

"Yes but make sure that you aid Michalis in his scouting, understand?" Zelgius said.

"Yessir!" The two saluted while Roy is hiding a specific tome on his back.

* * *

"Shit!" Michalis cursed. "I forgot the shield back at the castle." He added as he scouted through the sky. Suddenly, a rains of arrows has been flung through him and he tried to avoid it but he was surrounded.

" **THE HELL IS GOING ON?! I'M THE KING OF -** "

Chaos ensures.

* * *

"What happened to you?" Zephiel asked his fellow villain as he saw Michalis from heads to toe. Judging from the amounts of arrows embedded in his armor, he looks like a walking pincushion. Narcian tried to hide his laughter.

"Don't ask, Zephiel." He replied. "At least I'm still alive."

When Minerva finds out about what happened to her brother, she laughed at his face.

"Shut up, Minervykins!" Michalis joked at his sister who is stopped laughing when she hears the joke and leaves .

" **I'M NOT MINERVYKINS FOR THE LOVE OF NAGA!** " Minerva screeched.

Michalis smiled.

* * *

"Epic fail." Marth declared. "He lives."

Silence filled the room.

" **ELIMINE DAMN IT!** "

* * *

Remove the Iote' Shield from Michalis and being targeted by magic arrows: **FAILED.**

* * *

 **And that's it!**

 **I don't know when will the next chapter will be posted since I on a job hunting and it will be very busy for me from now on.**

 **And here's an extra!**

* * *

 **-Omake-**

"Roy, where did you get that tome to assassinate Michalis?" Lucina asked him when they are returned from their failed assassination attempt.

"I bought it from the same merchant whom Alm bought his items in his failed assassination attempt on Berkut." Roy answered.

"Seems so."

"Let's go back to our own rooms. I'm tired!"

"Me too. See you tomorrow." And the two parted ways.

Unbeknown to them, a certain Liberator overheard their conversation.

* * *

 **As always, criticism is welcome!**


End file.
